How sad is this; sitting at home on New Years Eve, being ignored, feeling depressed, and generally lonely. Such is my life. I hate New Years, everyone seems to go out and have fun. Or at least get drunk. Instead, I'm sitting here picking at an ugly CG for my next blog layout and having a bad headache.
I'm gonna go play with the puppy. ;o;
Dad: *channel surfing on the tv* What movie is this?
Meg: It has Kevin Costner in it. It's Robin Hood.
Dad: Is it that ....Waterworld movie?
Meg: IT'S ROBIN HOOD!
Dad: That's not Kevin Costner!
Meg: YES IT IS IT'S ROBIN HOOD!
Dad: NO IT'S NOT--- wait, that is Kevin Costner.
Dad: ....Is it Waterworld?
I'm tired and I slept a lot. I think I'm getting sick.
It's New Years, and as usual, I'm not going anywhere or doing anything. I think I'll phone my mom and drop a subtle hint that she should get Lilo and Stitch for me.
My pyjamas are orange.
Ribby's blog has moved. Not the change in my links.
Yes, I will eventually get a new layout up. Before holidays are over. Yes.
Chris, warning taken and much appreciated. ^_^ I dunno how well my DVD player works yet, so I'm gonna borrow some DVDs offa my friend Johnny first. ^_^ DVDs are goooood. GOOOOOD.
I'm tired. So very, very tired. I don't know why.
I had a dream last night that made me upset when I woke up, not because it was a bad dream, but because it was a good one and I didn't want it to be just a dream. Have you ever had a dream like that? This one made me physically hurt because I was so upset after. I wanted to cry, but it's hard to cry when there's a puppy licking your face.
It all comes down to the fact that I'm lonely. Okay, not in the "I have no friends" sense, because I think I've finally learned better. But in the sense that I really really miss Jamie. A lot. I don't know if I can stand the few months until she comes here, because I'm having such doubts. Not about us, but about how things will turn out. Things have a tendancy to go wrong around me. What if she gets sick of me, what if I screw up? What if something happens and we're stuck without a place to stay? I don't know, it's so complicated. I'm seventeen years old, and I'm worried about a long term relationship. Is that normal? I don't know. I've been worried about it since I was fifteen. Everyone is going through the whole dating routine, close to the people they care about and I'm so far away from mine. I last saw Jamie in the summer of 2001. Yeah. I'm sick of long distances, and that will be fixed. It'll be fixed, and all will be good, right? Jamie's coming here, to me, where we can actually be together. The stress of waiting is killing me, I think.
I have so much that I'm worrying about; school, getting a job, college, moving out, my friends and their problems. I just wish time would speed up so I can meet these things head on instead of dreading them and watching them creep closer. I've come to learn that as much as I'm afraid of everything, I can fight my way through, gritting my teeth, and it will always work out somehow. My way of thinking now is that whatever I get in trouble for, whatever I have to do that scares me, I'll come out alive and it's not the end of the world. It may be hard getting through, but when it's done, it's done, and I'm stronger for it. Maybe not better, but stronger. And as good as it feels to slice ruts into my arms and as tempting as suicide may be, it's just not the way out. If I'm gonna die, it's going to be preordaned and not done by my hand. If I die, it'll be from an accident, a conflict, a disease, old age. Not while I'm physically young and capable of fighting my way through my problems. I have two doctors to help me, and a wonderful handful of friends who have given me a glimmer of confidence in the human race. I have my animals, my furry friends, to comfort me. I have my art and my music and my writing to use if I'm upset instead of a blade. There are always books to escape into, things to do, and peoplet to talk to as little as I like to do so.
Though a major problem I face now is what I am. I know who I am, but -what- exactly is lost on me. I have no gender, no allignment. My mind is neither male or female, and I can't agree or disagree with the greater good. I don't know. Maybe I'll figure it out someday.
*sigh* I'm done being philosophical.
Going through school work from this semester....
Meg's Poetry Corner~!
Haikus are fun. Read them
The athlete won gold
His heart soared with happiness
'Til the drug testing
Rain falls down softly
To the calm streets below us
Where broken forms lie
Shattered glass litters
The tile floor amongst red blood
Glass prisms shine
The bird flew with grace
Between the city buildings
And hit a window
I walk all alone
I'm at the mercy of all
Yet they call me God
Rhyming poetry now!
A poetic response to Peter Straub and Stephen King's the Talisman which I never finished:
A fallen friend gone from me forever,
Days lost when we would walk roads together
In search of something only we could reach
In the silence of night, our very speech
Seemed to echo through the still evening air
So nice to belong, to know that you're there
When I turn to whisper to you, I
Recall that you left me alone by
The harsh lights of the asylum where we
Fell from grace as two angels who flee
The wrath of a cruel and vengeful God
Blazing a new trail for us to trod
Opression and darkness soon to be found
Around every corner, something
New to be witnessed and news songs to sing
Songs of princes, queens and a long dead king
Another land where you protect the Herd
And 'werewolf' is not an uncommon word
Where men with wings fly from stone towers
Over fields of grass and wild flowers.
A haiku sequence based on Darl from William Faulkner's As I Lay Dying:
My vision is clear
So clairvoyant and god-like
I can see your thoughts
See into your mind
I indulge in your secrets
As my mind is yours
We are two people
And seperate entities
I am your downfall
The world around us,
Our ever-blessed loved ones
Are one and the same
Your motives are clear
I know that you resent me
As I resent you
We share the same love
But it works only one way
You are loved, not I
The pain of our loss
Is tainted by bitterness
You, the favoured one
It is possible
To miss what you do not have
As I long for her
She was never mine
You were so undeserving
Of motherly love
My close blooded kin,
My brother and my rival
My hatred made flesh
Something angsty I wrote over the summer and turned into a random angsty artwork.
We met about five years ago
You were new here and I was alone
I intimated you like I do to so many
You kept away
I approached you on a whim
Asked you to work with me
On a project due the next
We worked together a while
Soon to realize how well we
Complemented each other's
sense of humour
We laughed together.
We worked together and
Hung around together everyday
Days turned into months that turned into
We were best friends.
But last year, something happened
You got jealous of what I had
I got upset because you never
spoke to me
We drifted apart.
I got sick and needed help
I felt like I was losing my mind
Not once did you reach out to me when
I needed you to
I hurt myself over it.
When I couldn't take it anymore
I told you what I felt about us
You apologized to me and said
You love me
Forever and ever, you said.
But I can't help but wonder
If you really loved me
Why wouldn't you be there to
You left me all alone.
Movies I want on DVD. Someone buy them for me.
The Church (Italy, 1988)
Ring (Japan, 1998)
Ring 2 (Japan, 1999)
Ring 0 (Japan, 2000)
Four Flies on Grey Velvet (Italy, 1971)
Ashoka (India, 2001)
Jigoku (Japan, 1960)
Night of the Living Dead (USA, 1968)
The Pit (USA, 1981)
Supiria (Italy, 1977)
Uzumaki (Japan, 2000)
A Wicked Ghost (Hong Kong, 1999)
Battle Royale (Japan, 2000)
Company (India, 2000)
Shiri (South Korea, 1999)
Green Snake (Hong Kong, 1993)
Which Lord of the Rings Character Do You Fancy?
brought to you by Quizilla
Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?
brought to you by Quizilla
ANIME QUIZ - Which Evil Anime Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Apparently, I'm a sexy psychotic evil boy. I can live with that. XD~
I was up at 3:00 am. Why? I'm allergic to my puppy. ._.; She makes my eyes puffy and my head all stuffed up. And she insists on sleeping next to my head, so I can't sleep due to the pain of congested head and puffy face. I'm just waiting for her to settle down here and then I'll sneak off to bed.
I got a memory stick for my camera, and a DVD copy of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Wheee!
I'm so sleepy. x_x
Layout change is temporary. I'm gonna do a new layout, but if I don't change it to something boring, I'm never gonna get around to it.
Wheee! Merry Christmas, everyone!
I got a puppy. A PUPPYYYYY! She's a tiny little thing, not the big dog I asked for, but she sure is cute. She looks like an Ewok, so I named her Wicket. You can see a picture of her here. ^__^ We had just started getting our stockings open, and my dad says "open the bag under the tree that says Meg on it." so I opened it, and there was a harness, a dog dish, a leash, a bag of dog food, and an issue of Dog Annual. And I screamed and mom brought my puppy downstairs from her room. She's SOOOOO CUTE. And she gives lots of puppy kisses.
Also got me a good digital camera! It's a Kodak EasyShare CX4230. It has fantastic picture quality, and I've got a little tripod and a battery charger for it. John bought it for meeee. ^__^ Now I can take lots of pictures! It needs a memory stick, but that's okay. It still holds 15 without it, I think.
I aaaaalso got new shoes. My favourites! The Adidas gazelles. They're wonderful! I love them so much, and a few years ago they stopped making them. Apparently, they started making them again this year, so mom got me a pair. ^.^
No PS2, but that's okay by me! I can get my PSOne modded, get a DDR pad, and I'm set. Nice people will burn me games, right? (Katka? B? XD)
WHEEEE I got clothes and food and a book and all sorts of fun trinkets. AND A PLUSH SQUID.
Matt and Mike Jensen and Gerrad are the best. ;O; They got me a PSOne, memory card, and MGS. Thank you so much, guys, that is SO SWEET! ;O;
Tomorrow is christmas. I'm looking forward to it on one hand, then I'm kinda not. I mean, I like Christmas, but at the same time, I don't. I'm weird. I dunno. B gave me the Ray and Carl plushies for christmas! THEY'RE SO CUTE! And D got me blow up doll. XDDD Yes, I have an inflatable woman. I find that just about as funny as can be.
I'm hoping that since I only slept four hours I'll be tired tonight so I don't end up staying up and playing Sega until 5 am. Best part of christmas is being a pain in the ass and waking everyone up extremely early. It's a good excuse. XD
I drew Morgan last night while B was playing Kingdom Hearts. Whoooooo. I want to play DDR, but alas, I don't have it. Whoo. Tomorrow perhaps I will get it. Doubt it.
I really want to know what John got me. He gets the BEST presents for me.
Mrrrrrrg, I'm listening to Eminem.
Deanna explodes on command.
What the hell am I doing up before noon on a holiday? I gotta stop going to bed so damn early. It's totally killing the purpose of vacation.
So, here I am. Sitting here. With orange juice and medication. That could be a song. Orange Juice and Medication. Yeah.
The christmas tree is mocking me with the things that are underneith it. I don't want presents as much as I want to give my family presents. I want to see John's reaction to his shark-in-a-fish-bowl. XD
I think I've officially finished all my shopping. I didn't have to buy additional things, but I did. I've bought things for many people. Even Gerrad. XD
I'm sitting here, twiddling my thumbs. I wish Deanna was online right now (or rather, not in away mode).
I really have nothing to say.
Midnight Radio, by Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Rain falls hard
Or a song
That hits you so hard
Filling you up
And suddenly gone
Breath Feel Love
Know in you soul
Like your blood knows the way
From you heart to your brain
Know that you're whole
And you're shining
Like the brightest star
On the midnight radio
And you're spinning
Like a 45
Dancing to your rock and roll
Here's to Patti
And all the strange rock and rollers
You know you're doing all right
So hold on to each other
You gotta hold on tonight
And you're shining
Like the brightest stars
On the midnight radio
And you're spinning
Your new 45's
All the misfits and the losers
Yeah, you know you're rock and rollers
Spinning to your rock and roll
Lift up your hands
01. Pierce your nose or tongue? Tongue.
02. Be serious or be funny? Serious.
03. Boxers or briefs? Boxers.
04. Whole or skim milk? Neither.
05. Single or Taken? Taken.
06. Simple or complicated? Complicated.
07. Law or anarchy? Law.
08. Flowers or angels? Angels.
09. Grey or gray? Grey.
10. Read or write? Read.
11. Color or black-and-white photos? Black and white.
12. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset.
13. M&M's or Skittles? Skittles! GREEN ONES.
14. Rap or rock? Rock, please.
15. Stay up late or wake up late? wake up late!
16. TV or Radio? Neither, really.
17. Is it POP or SODA? POP, DAMMIT! Or explode.
18. X or O in Tic-tac-toe? X. Because if you triple it, it's perverted.
19. Blue or black? Black.
20. Eat an apple or an orange? Orange!
21. What came first the chicken or the egg? Egg.
22. Hot or Cold? Cold.
23. Big towel or little towel? Big fluffy towel!
24. Tall members of the opposite sex or short? Short. I have a failing for short men.
25. Sun or moon? Moon.
26. Emerald or ruby? Ruby, because emeralds always look tacky to me.
27. Sex in the morning or night? Night. It seems more appropriate.
28. Left or right? Right.
29. 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? 1 best friend.
30. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Chocolate, gosh darn it!
31. High or Drunk? NEITHER. T_T
32. Green beans or carrots? Green beans. Carrots are mehhh.
33. Low fat or fat free? Either is good.
34. Love or Lust? A happy medium.
35. Chewable or non chewable vitamins? Chewable! Purple Flintstones ones!
36. Kids or no kids? NO KIDS.
37. Cat or dog? Kitties!! LOTS OF THEM!
38. Half empty or half full? I spilled it, so I dunno.
39. Mustard or ketchup? Ketchup. Mustard makes my tongue swell.
40. Hard cover books or paper back books? Paperback because they're cheaper.
41. Newspaper or magazine? Newspaper.
42. Sandals or sneakers? Sneakers all the way!
43. Wonder or amazemet? Wonder.
44. Red car or white car? Red. Candyapple red.
45. Happy and poor or sad and rich? Sad and rich. 'cause not much makes me happy anyway.
46. Singing or dancing? Dancing.
47. Corduroy or plaid? Plaid! XD
48. Happy or sad? Sad.
49. Purple or green? Purple (the colour of hentai).
50. A year of hot sex or a lifetime of friendship? Friendship.
HAVE YOU EVER:
52. Been kissed? Yes.
53. Done drugs? No.
54. Eaten sushi? I think so.
55. Eaten an entire box of oreos? God no. @_@
56. Been dumped? No.
57. Had someone be unfaithful to you? Not to my knowledge.
58. Gotten in a car accident? Nope.
60. Hiked a mountain? Yup.
61. Stayed home on a Saturday night just because? All the time.
DO YOU PREFER:
62. Lace or satin underwears? I'm secretly a sucker for lace.
63. Blue or Red? I like both, actually.
64. New or old? Old! I'm so vintage and retro.
65. Rain or snow? Rain. Snow is fun until I have to shovel it.
66. Have you ever slept outside? Many a time.
67. Give or receive? Give! I like giving people things.
68. Rose or Daisy? Rose. Red roses are beautiful.
69. Private school or public school? Public. Though uniforms are cute.
70. History or Science? History.
71. English or math? English, for crying out loud.
72. Do you like someone right now from the opposite sex? No.
73. A slight crush on a certain guy? No.
74. What do you look for in a woman or man? Personality and creativity.
75. Do you have a best friend? Deanna and Tony!
76. Who's your cutest friend? Cutest...hmm... Tony.
77. Who do you e-mail the most? I don't, really.
78. How many people have you slept with: In the literal sense of sleep, many. In the sex sense, none.
79. Do you have b/f or g/f: Girlfriend.
80. Your sexiest feature: Uhhhh.... my hands? Or my eyes. So I've been told.
81. Kinky things you like: Bondage is okay in really gentle, small doses. No chains or leather, mind. o_O
82. Largest age difference between you and a partner: Jamie's five years older than me.
83. Are you tired of this survey?: Not really, I'm bored.
84. Do you want to stop?: Sure.
85. Did you have fun?: as fun as can be had filling out a survey.
Taken from my DA journal.
I have a few things to say about gender. This is a subject very VERY near and dear to me. SO LISTEN UP.
Gender is NOT sex. Sex is what you are physically. Gender is how you percieve things, and how you think. I, for example, am male in gender though I may not be in sex. I (unfortunately) have girl parts. But I consider myself closer to male than to female, though I tend to lean more towards a gender of nothing.
Boys can be pretty. Just because someone is wearing girl's clothes, makeup, platform shoes, or has long hair does NOT mean they are a girl! People, WAKE UP! I have quite a few crossdressing friends, so maybe I'm lucky to have these lovely people to show me the truth behind what sex is.
SEX IS MOOT.
It does NOT matter what plumbing you have. You can be a woman without being female. You can be a man without being male. What the hell is wrong with people? Can they not understand that? I suppose not, because the world has learned to shun any form of "wrong" gender related identities as something "freakish". Why, because if some female person doesn't pack a penis, they can't be a gentleman? Bullshit! I know a few people who make better men or women even if they're NOT physically. Fuck sex.
It's a stupid physical deformity to be what you aren't in mind. To shun or make life miserable for those who aren't what they wish they were, you're adding insult to injury. Imagine being something totally contridictory to what you should be. Try it. Go on. Try it. Now consider this: you're not able to change what you are physically. You're stuck, you're TRAPPED. Yes, trapped in your own damn body. It's not pleasant. Consider this before you open your stupid, immature mouths.
Now ranting about sexuality. A person's sexual preference is their business. So if you don't like it, too bad, get over it, and go find something of your preference to screw! Jesus christ.
I hate people.
I am 81% Metal Head
I was born with the mark of the beast on my forehead and an axe in my arms. I am the god of all things metal! Now if only I could get my parents to give me back my car keys.....
Take the Metal Head Test at fuali.com
*sigh* I was in a good mood all day. This was bound to happen---- mood crash. This is when I get too contemplative. Read further if you feel like putting up with my inane, depressive prattle.
I'm lonely. Really, really lonely. As usual. Everyone seems to be doing fun things over the christmas holidays with friends or family. All I get to do is sit here and rot while the one person I want to be with is across the continent. It's not fair. I look at the christmas tree and I think "why is that even there? All this stupid holiday is revolves around presents". I go to bed and I think how cold it is and how badly I wish I could crawl into someone's lap and sleep. I want to have someone here with me. Does that make any sense? Probably not. I'm just pathetic.
Now, for non-pathetic prattle.
Did some additional christmas shopping today and mailed out Jamie's stuff. I gotted Puralator shipping, and it's supposed to get to the place you're sending to within three days.... but DAMN it's expensive. Cost $41 to send a 48 kg package. @_@ Bloody fortune. Anyway, got myy brother another toy. It's a foot-tall Eddie figure that plays "Number of the Beast". XD I liked it. All the presents I got for people are wrapped and already under the tree.
MYARRRRR. I'm tired. Why? Being lazy all day takes a lot out of me. XDDD Okay, not really. I think I'm just a little overloaded from the past two weeks. It's been so much work.
I really wanna go to Toronto, but alas, it must wait until after Christmas. I have to get Mike's gift elsewhere then, and I have to drop it off at his house (which is SOOOO FAR AWAY... you know, one block over from me).
I'm RPing in L'eglise at the moment. Max and Iren are cute. Scary, but cute. Tony's drawing them. I get to CG them. ^__^
Well, I gotta get up at a decent hour in the morning, so I'm going to bed soon as little as I may want to.
Myarhahahahahaha! I no go to school today! So instead, here I am, listening to Judy and Mary and eating a huge load of mess (mess = a food with hashbrowns, egg, onion, bacon, and usually tomatos though I omit them). And cranberry juice! Dad's working this afternoon, so maybe I'll get my wrapping done and I can avoid doing his should he decide to go shopping (ha!).
I feel extremely boyish today. Very very.
I woke up at like 8:30 and laughed because I had hair like Spike Speigal. XD It was very amusing. Then I played my sega genesis for a while, and watched Riki Lake *LOL* It was about threesomes! I laughed. Threesomes sound so..... I dunno, daunting. But, to each his own. I don't like sex, so meh. The whole idea is a turn off. People should, generally, stay clothed (in my opinion).
Deanna, if you come online, try to catch me on AIM. I wanna go downtown this weekend!
Christmas is on wednesday. The day itself is good. But now is when the stress in my house hits retarded heights.
I'm gonna go watch stuff on satellite!!!! *skips away*
Note to self: work.
I saw the Two Towers last night! It was sooooo goooood! I love Psycho!Frodo. And I want me some Aragorn, 'cause that man is so hot he's burnin'. I don't like Faramir. Gimli proved to be the most enjoyable character in the movie, with his banter with Legolas being most of the comic relief. And the Ents were SO COOL. Especially Treebeard. I wanted to bundle him! Eowyn should die. Hate. Smeagol was cute, Gollum was BAD. T_T; Sam soooo wants Frodo "I'm your Sam!". And Gandalf Hanky! But there was Shadowfax. I love Shadowfax. Legolas is a fortune cookie, but I liked him in this movie more than I did in the first.
I am done being a nerd (for now).
Today my final ISU is due. Am I done it? No. Can I finish it before I leave? Probably, since I'm cheating and using exerpts from my novel instead of writing something new. Maybe I'll get stuck plagerizing myself? XD That would be so funny. Sad, but funny.
Oh my GOD, it's Nicky! I haven't seen him in YEARS! *squawks*
No ISU. XDD One on thursday, but like I'm gonna work on THAT right now.
Tacos are good.
That is all.
You know what I HATE? When my parents murmer about me in quiet voices behind my back. I CAN HEAR, YOU KNOW.
Happy birthday to mah most boobifull and bootaylicious B! Happy late birthday to Katka (since blogger wouldn't let me post yesterday)!
AHAHAHAHAHA!!! WHO'S DONE THEIR ISU ESSAY ON TIME? ME EXAAAACTLY!!! *dances like a psycho* You have no idea how happy that makes me. I'm almost done my stupid ISUs! ALMOST. One more to go! XDDD HAPPYYYY! Ye GODS this essay I wrote last night (it's actually a rewrite, I totally revamped mym whole essay from the rough draft) is nothing but a bunch of implicit prattle. BUT! It has big words in it! Big words get good marks!
Well, I'm almost done with the christmas shopping. I just need to finish my painting for Tony, and get my dad something (rrrrrg). I'm just so happy that this special present I ordered for Jamie last month came in stock in time for christmas! They told me it wouldn't! *dance* A whole year of savings is gone to pay for gifts; my mom and Jamie cost me the most money.
I went to Best Buy yesterday! God, that place is COOL! They have EVERYTHING electronic. I was slobbering all over the place, John had to drag me out of the isles by my sweater.
It's monday! And for the first time in my life, I am glad! Why? Because there's only 4 1/2 days left until holidays, where I am FREE of ISUs that are worth upwards of 10% of my grade. I just have to write a short story for Writer's Craft and I'm free. FREEEEEEE. I deserve many shiny things for all the work I've been doing, but I don't think my parents care too much. Beh. I tell them I get a good grade and they're like "good. Get higher."
I'm in a good mood today, but as usual, I feel lonely. It doesn't totally drag my mood down, but it sucks. I always feel really lonely during the breaks from school because everyone has things to do with their friends and families and I .... don't. My best friends don't even really celebrate christmas (aside from Tony, who lives in Baltimore). Myuh. My family never does anything, we have no relatives around here or even in the country really, save for my bitch sister who's too important and special to contact us lowly humans. Jamie lives far away. I wish she didn't. I keep telling myself "wait until summer! It'll all be better then!" and I wonder if I can stand it that long.
A word to the wise.... avoid long distance relationships as best you can.
I love this comic. XDD
Okieday! I think I'm done babbling.
I AM THE MASTER OF THE BIG GUNS!!!
Today is national XD Day. You must say "ex dee" in conversation. Thy lord and humble cuteness Tony demands it.
Nasty reaction to the Trazodone. I just woke up about half an hour ago, and my head is swimming. I'm not gonna make it to the party.
Groom groom paddle bob sink fly! Toad run tied sink hip hip hip hip! Meg par tug lane fawn loo grunt! Pug hug mug jug dug lug zug? Preeeeeeeeeen! To be or not to be! Be all you can be. YET ONE MAY SMILE AND SMILE AND STILL BE A VILLIAN! Bright light casts dark shadows. BOYS AND BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! BUGS!
this blog entry brought to you by a major brain malfunction.
Ahhh, thank GOD for small miracles. Mrs. Crawford bumped the duedate for the Literature ISU to monday, so I only have one essay to hand in tomorrow. That's fantastic.
Zalina gave me an Angelpuss! Thank you, Speller! ^_^
I'm soooo tired. Bed early for me.
I slept like 11 hours and I'm still exausted. Man, this is so dumb.
In other news, I'm now on another antidepressant. Yes, two at the same time. I'm now on Trazodone as well as Celexa. Ugghhhhhhhh.
I didn't do my history assignment that is due today. I don't care right now, I'm too run down from my various english classes. I can't wait until next semester, when I can sleep in every day and I have art, music, and spanish. It'll be nice and un-hectic.
I had a weird dream. I was taken away from my family by some child protection agency, and they kept me and made me live with all these other people on a train and we travelled a lot. We went to some function thing in a hotel (same hotel I dream about a lot, for some reason), and there was a concert. B kept manhandling me (she was taken away from her family too! o_O) and for some reason, the band playing had Quinn and Drenn in it. And I was sitting with Lawerence Sargent.
I don't get it.
I'm gonna go back to being depressed and tired now.
I haaaaaaaaate my faaaaather! Hate hate haaaaate~! He wouldn't let me finish my 2000 word essay that is worth 10 percent of my grade! *HIISSSSSS* I HATE HIM SO MUCH! When I don't get my work done, he tortures me over that. When I try to get it done, he doesn't let me. FUCK!
So again, I miss history. I hate this. I HATE IT SO MUCH.
Fast blog from between essays....
I applied to Humber and Sheridan today. I hope I hope I hope one of them accepts me. >_<;
I am tired. I have another 2000 words to write before bed.
I hate the time leading up to Christmas.
Because I know my mom will check this, here's my wanted list of things for christmas XD :
-new computer. Preferably a laptop.
-Fruits Basket stuff. Lots of it.
-Lilo and Stitch movie/merchandise
-anything spiderman is good.
-a drafting desk
-new Leafs jerseys, preferably Tucker or Gilmore.
-uhh.... a life?
-the guy who plays Aradeth. XDD
-a bank account with money in it for moving out in the summer.
-............um........ copies of Suspira, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and uhh.... Ashoka!
-those man-eating octopi from walmart
-a room with rubber walls
-jello. And two pretty gay boys making out in it.
-A playstation with a DDR mat. And MGS.
-hair dye. Manic Panic is good. Lots of it.
So, here I am, sitting here on a saturday afternoon, being lazy and still in my nightshirt. Mmmmm, life is good when you're not at school. I swear, yesterday was the most stressful day EVER. I ended up coming home and having a killer anxiety attack. However, D, Lisa, and myself all went to Laser Quest and made asses of ourselves in the freezing cold. I think Lisa and D were amused by my hyperactivity. But it was fun!
What else to say? Still on a break from my novel, I'll probably hold off working on it until wednesday (after I'm done with the rough drafts of my essays, and the Lit one is due on TUESDAY, Zalina.... the rough is due on TUESDAY).
Currently listening to Sympathy for the Devil. I love this song. It's so Simon. XD I love love love love love.
I watched a movie from my childhood today! I enjoyed it greatly, and it's rather sad that I did. The movie was All Dogs Go To Heaven. It's by far one of the best animated movies from North America. I really love it. The over-all impact of the movie is rather amazing considering what it's about. I remember when I was little, I had a copy of the movie on VHS and it was my FAVOURITE and it got stuck in the VCR in my Auntie Sheila's house and they had to cut it out because one of the girls there spilled juice on the tape and never told anyone before they put it in the machine. I cried for ages, and then like 8 years later I got it for christmas out of the blue. *lol*
Now I'm listening to Russian music!
My eyelid has been twitching since I woke up yesterday morning. It's driving me nuts, I'm tempted to cut it off.
I have to do laundry and draw some stuff. I hope dad goes out soon.
No, because then people would CHEAT. XD
I don't have my speech memorized. UGH. I'm gonna flip out before 5th period. T_T;
Which CVFW8EV character are you?
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XD It's mostly done, I'm just missing two images, I think. For Rudy and Mike. Take it if you like.
Sick! Again! But I'm going to school for most of the day at least. We'll see. Last night I was in AGONY. I spent all afternoon and night doubled over because my stomach hurt right through to my back.
Foodblog of doom. o_O Now, if I didn't despise shrimp and if I wasn't allergic to vinegar....
Working on a MASSIVE character selector for my novel. Be proud. It's gonna take a while to do. O_O;
Okay, nothing else to say.
Lisa, we didn't do it on purpose.... it was early in the day and we just kinda decided the night before that we were going to go. ;o; We didn't mean to leave you out, Lisa, really we didn't. Maybe we can all go this weekend? Or even next weekend? I'm supposed to go to a christmas party on saturday of next week, but I'll skip out if you'd like me to....
Wheee, I'm blogging a fair bit today.
I watched the new Flight of Icarus video. It's really quite good, considering it was animated by one guy and directed by another. I was duly impressed.
OWWW THESE HEADPHONES ARE TIGHT.
I'm done my secret santa shopping. Finished on friday, I'm so proud of me. *victory pose*
You know what I hate? when you leave the computer for ten minutes and come back and everyone but one person on your buddy list is on away mode. It screws you up, man. Really does.
SotM: Somebody Else, by Bleu
What if I was alright
What if I wasn't wound so tight?
What if I had the balls to be bad?
Would you still look at me like that?
Would you be mad that I had held the old me back?
Why can't I be somebody else?
Somebody who isn't too cool
To believe it's okay to be just me?
Maybe I was too much
Maybe I'll take it down a notch
Maybe I'll have the guts to go mad
Maybe I'll mess me up real bad
Maybe I'll make you wish you had the old me back!
Why can't I be somebody else?
Somebody who isn't too cool
To believe it's okay to be just me?
What if I can't remember who I'm trying to be?
Why can't I be somebody else?
Somebody who isn't too cool
To believe it's okay to be just me?
Okay, I like that song. The end.
I just discovered the most disgusting feeling in the world. NEVER cough when you're puking. It goes up your nose.
Well, I played Kingdom Hearts. And the game is SO NOT WORTH THE HYPE. I mean, the opening sequence is really pretty, and I like Rikku, but that's about it. It's generally annoying and Disneyfied. Arugh.
Regarding #55 on the survey...... that is SO news to me. O__O *blush*
So, my day was fun. D and I went to Chinatown. I got Furuba 10 and Angel Sanctuary 3 and 4. And two Furuba pins. We had chinese food, and got bubble tea. There was an interesting incident at a Toyota dealership involving myself and the tapioca bubbles in the tea. And my straw. It was funny.
Alas, now I am once more depressed. Any fun I have doesn't have lasting effects anymore. I live in this black maw of depression all the time. It's been three weeks since I've had an actual emotionally normal day. Three weeks is a long time to want to tear your wrists apart and cry for help. I'm getting worse so fast. I just wish I could walk away from it, just for a day, so I can remember what it's like to feel normal. Maybe even stable. I don't know, anything but this. I'm so lonely all the time, I want to cry on someone's shoulder but no one would let me.
I wish I were someone else. God, please make me someone else.